Текст песни Descent Of The Stiperstones (Half Man Half Biscuit) с переводом

I was

Yes I was

Descending the Stiperstones

When I

Recalled the order from home

To pick up a

To pick up a

To pick up a

To pick up a

To pick up a jar of Swarfega

And so returning to the car at Snailbeach, I set off in the direction of

Montgomery, where I was more than certain my need would be met by Bunner the

chandler who sold everything. Entering the store, I nodded to an assistant and

hurried to the back area of the shop where I could browse in comfort amongst

the organised chaos, and marvel at the fact that should it be my desire,

I could return home with a Ben Sayers four-iron, a brush doormat bearing the

slogan «Cofiwch Dryweryn», and an oil painting by Mercy Rimell entitled «The

Raging Ostler» …in addition to the Swarfega, which I finally located on a shelf,

next to a box of Hussars, who, in spite of their dusty neglect,

appeared primed and ready for Old Boney. Also in this room was a selection of

doll’s houses, and standing next to a particularly detailed property called the

Franklin was the actress Lynette McMorrough, who used to play Glenda in

Crossroads. As I’d been a bit of a fan of the programme, I couldn’t help but

engage her in conversation, initially regarding the magnificent craftsmanship

on show, before rather awkwardly turning the chat onto Kevin’s affair,

test tube babies, and the tragic death of her dad, who was knocked down by a

car whilst stumbling home drunk from a triumphant bowls tournament.

The crazy world of Arthur Brownlow. Anyway, my fawning gibberish and jar of

Swarfega didn’t seem to faze her in any way, and she told me of her loneliness

and yearning for those heady days at ATV, and in essence what she was trying to

do was re-create her Glenda life through a plastic doll, and such was the stock

at Bunner’s, she had managed over the years to acquire figures resembling not

only that of herself, but the rest of the family, and by purchasing the

Franklin, there would be enough space for everyone and they wouldn’t all be

cooped up in the same room watching the one television set. «All you need now

is the car that knocked down Pop», I joked, but to my astonishment she told me

she had it on order, along with his bag of woods. Somewhat disturbed,

I tried to bring the meeting to a conclusion, but she was warming to the

situation, and revealed to me her ultimate intention was to replace her own

doll’s plastic with tofu, as the malleability of such a substance presented the

opportunity to belly herself up, as it were, when she became pregnant.

In my haste to leave the store, I crashed into a Davenport, a drip-free teapot

and a mannequin dressed up as Warden Hodges

I was

Yes I was

Descending the Stiperstones

Descending the Stiperstones

Descending the Stiperstones

A phallic watering can, a packet of Triffid seeds, an ice rink for a model

village, crucifixion nails, a pair of polo-necked jeans, a jar of language

pills, a jigsaw of Nazi war criminals, post-apocalyptic Allen keys,

a written curse of a witch from Oswestry, a signed photograph of former

players' agent Eric Hall — monster, monster. I fled towards the church looking

for sanctuary; found only Spencer The Halfwit, sniggering the 46th Psalm

Descending the Stiperstones

Descending the Stiperstones

Descending the Stiperstones

Descending the Stiperstones

Descending the Stiperstones

Descending the Stiperstones

Descending the Stiperstones

Descending the Stiperstones

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