Текст песни The End of the Universe (Lewis Black) с переводом

One of the reasons I’m glad to be back in Atlanta is;

since I was here last time,

I made an extraordinary discovery that I really want to share with you

It’s kind of overwhelming

Much more so than the discovery that N Sync was gay

You see I travel a lot,

and the fact of the matte is

in my travels I

found something that changed the way I look at things

From the beggining of time, man, has looked at the heavens,

and firmly believed that the universe ends out in space

It’s not true

The end of the universe happens to be in the United States

I HAVE SEEN IT

and, oddly enough

it’s in Huston, Texas

I know… I know… I was shocked too

I left the comedy club there and walked down the street.

On one corner there was a Starbucks.

And across the street

from the Starbucks

in the exact same building as that Starbucks,

was a Starbucks

At first I thought the sun was playing tricks with my eyes

but no

there was a Starbucks

across from a Starbucks

and that

my friends

is the end of the universe

people have said to me

how do you know

and I said

go there

stand between those two Starbuks

look at your watch

time

stands still.

And if you turn this way,

and look just at this Starbucks, imidiately you think

«you know when I turn around

there can not possibly be a Starbucks behind me»

No one would have been that stupid to have built a Starbucks across from a

Starbucks

and if there was a just and loving god

he wouldn’t allow THAT KNIND OF SHIT TO GO DOWN

so you turn slowly thinking

«Well, I’ll see a Gap or a Denny’s, maybe even a Mobile station»

BUT THERE’S A STARBUCKS!

What do you think the man was thinking

who stood in the empty line

and looked across the street the Starbucks that was already built

when he turned to his wife and kinds and said,

«you know, I have a vision.»

I’m gonna build a Starbucks

across from the Starbucks

:"Why would you do that daddy?"

: «Because it’ll be the end of the Universe, YOU LITTLE SHIT»

I’ve pondered long and hard

as to what group of people might need a service like that.

I mean a Starbucks across from a Starbucks

and there’s only one group of people

that would need that

and that group

and there must be a large number of those there

are people with Alzheimer’s

Don’t go 'oh'

You can’t go 'oh'

It has to be Alzheimer’s

okay?

It’s the only group that makes the joke work

okay?

What if I said

«oh, there must have been a large amount of Jews there»

You would have gone,

«What the fuck is he talking about?»

Oh the Irish

they love their coffee beans

IT’S ALZHEIMER’S

It has to be a group that has to sit there and drink coffe

and then get up,

walk to the door

You see what I see?

«Son of a bitch it’s a Starbucks»

«I think it’s time we had a cup of Jo»

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