Текст песни The Rhyme of Lord Nordak (Schaffer the Darklord) с переводом

Once upon a time before dinosaurs comes a true story

The part of the planet that’s now known as Norway

A peace-loving giant, well known in the region

They called him Lord Nordak, the twelve foot Norwegian

Now Lord Nordak had been a warlord back before

But the war had made Nordak a warrior no more

His strength was victorious in saving the land

And a prayer he became in the heart of each man

Now Nordak knew that he had been in their plans

But he leading people could not understand

So when came the hour, he turned down the power

Marched out to the mountains to lounge and grow flowers

Each morning Lord Nordak would rise and go foraging

Out in the forest, the place of his origin

A million millenia before dinosaurs

It looked kind of like Oregon but more enormous and

This is where he grew the food that he could

And smoked magical bushes from hollowed redwoods

He bathed in the lakes and slept out under stars

Kept dragons as pets, his skipped rocks sent to Mars

Lord Nordak lived his life in nothing but peace

But life down in the valley was different indeed

The once unified people had begun bickering

Flame on the candle of peace had been flickering

And again they all split off into two separate factions

And used their difference to send soldiers to action

So war’s in the land down below once again

And death befell these children, women and men

And the elders from when the people had been one

Declared that something urgent had to be done

«Send for Lord Nordak, he brought peace before

With his help, we elders shall win the war.»

So they gathered their sons and their daughters and armed them

And sent them find Nordak, off they all sought him

They climbed up the mountain and swam crossed lakes

And slaughtered his eight-legged oxen for steaks

It took them ten days, so they took some wrong turns

But they found Nordak sleeping in fields full of ferns

The offspring of elders awoke him and spoke and

They told him of how the great peace had been broken

And implored that he join them to restore the order

They’d be victorious, Nordak did snort at this

Plucked a bush from the hill, pipe he did smoke;

Extinguished it quickly, exhaled and he spoke

«If you keep fighting then no one will win

If I help you succeed, it will just start again

The victors taste greed and then fight to get more!

Nordak wants nothing to do with your war!»

But the offspring of elders, shocked by what they heard

Grew angry at Lord Nordak’s soft spoken words

So they all drew their swords, held them high in the sky and cried

«Nordak you will join us or you will die!»

Now, Nordak is often the gentlest beast

But these words did displease, to say the very least

He rose to his feet which then? through the packs

And held high above, his immense battle axe!

«Nordak will not go, so it is declared!»

And the offspring of elders went running off scared

But they didn’t run far, just off outta sight

And waited for Nordak to bed for the night

Then they crept out without making a noise

And they dusted a bush of his with magic poison

And off they did dash and wait 'til next morning

And rise they did when they heard Nordak stop snoring

And watched as he had his first smoke of the day

The bush with the poison Nordak puffed away

Immediately, he fell under its spell

His muscles all froze, then Lord Nordak fell

The offspring of elders all appeared a-cackles

And tied up the comatose Nordak in shackles

And caged him, they planned to enslave him and take him

Out to the front lines where war was raging

The elders were pleased as they stroked their long beards

And said «Nordak's on our side, we’ll shower them in fear»

And grinning smugly they sat in their castle

While thousands and thousands died down in the battle

And all of the leaders of the other tribes

Were all in their castles watching from inside

And sipped wine from the hollowed out skulls of their soldiers

Greed grew much stronger, blood grew much colder

Well, far out beyond their moats, out in the battlefield

Bodies of men and the shrapnel of shattered steel

Littered the land, and the blood soaked the ground

Arrows went whizzing past, soldiers went down

Rats ate from bodies that they filled with holes

Men were beheaded, impaled upon poles

One thing the elders agreed was this war

Was far more horrible than the one long before

But they knew they would win it on this very night

As they signaled to send Nordak out to the fight

The soldiers rolled out the cage in which they kept him

And laughed as they planned to deploy this new weapon

They sprinkled some anti-magic dust inside

Then unlocked his chains and all stepped aside

And Nordak awoke and he stood and he stretched

A bit dizzy, he still felt the poison’s effects

All of the soldiers froze still in their places

As fear and befuddlement shone on their faces

They stared up at Nordak afraid and confused

They saw as he came to he wasn’t amused

Nevertheless they attacked all a-holler

And Nordak in-facing just frowned down on all of them

Felt as their arrows broke off at his knees

Lord Nordak stormed back to the trees

The soldiers kept fighting

Thought Nordak was hiding

In fact, what he was doing was just deciding

To finally put an end to all this war

And he crept to the outskirts as it began pouring

Then found out each castle where each leader slept

And into each palace he quietly crept

He captured each leader before they could run

Plucked off their heads, every last one

The elders, the offspring of elders were gone

Then Nordak rushed out as the war carried on

He ran from each village, and into each home

And gathered the families, the sick, the alone

The kids, the elderly, and all their animals

Rushed them all past the soldiers and their battle skulls

Up to the mountain, his peaceful oasis

And wept as he saw the joy wash on their faces

He offered them blankets and bread, soup and wine

Mixed medicines to help the injured feel fine

And they watched down below the last hours of killing

Just a war with no leaders or purpose, so silly

All went to sleep and arose in the dawn

And the smoke below that all once there gone

They bowed and then vowed to never be so reckless

And Nordak awoke and said, «let's make big breakfast»

They cooked and they ate and they drank and they sung

And smoked from the bushes when they all were done

And they all lived in peace for the rest of their days

Living their lives in the finest of ways

In the earth’s core, Nordak buried his hatchets, see

Which is why to this day Earth still has gravity

Then came the comets, and then dinosaurs

And then more comets and then us and then more wars

The end