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In This One, I'm Dead (Clean) | 2018

I’ve gone and done it
I didn’t think that I’d follow through, I didn’t
This can’t be fuckin' happening
I wanted to be free, I mean, I guess, yeah
I do look quite at peace
But I’m thinkin' regret gonna kick in, jeez
I should of seen this comin', oh fuck me
You had to seen this comin'
You’ve been fuckin' listening, yes, you
You heard the rest, the me, depressed
You voyeur, the spoken, hopeless, jests, finessed
I’m more of the blame, I guess, when I think about it (oof)
I’m sorry
I’m feelin heat, is this hell?
Yeah, maybe I deserve this, I know well
But fuck, they could turn down the furnace
I’m here, shit, clearly I earned it
My sternum is burnin', I’m sweating
Heavy, this is, to reflect
You shouldn’t see this, you could care less, huh?
You’ve lost respect for these, I see, friend
I’m in the deep end, you don’t dive
Alive you are and uh
A pretty good grasp on just why I’m down low
Religion, I deny, no church, I curse
Inflict hurt and rely on lies to subside desires
I’m selfish, could use a beverage
Wanna be sexin' the next girl
I lust for crowds like The Hex Girls
Blatantly shut-eyed to rules
Like that period of time in school when I stole heaps
And creeped out the house
With my friends with sheets over pillows, ha
To wreck shit in the neighborhood
Neighbors detested our bull shit
Dickish antics and how we never got caught (why?)
Cause we’re just too smart, clearly
Guess I’m a bad boy, forgive me, I live recklessly
My life’s heinous—shit
I’m not even alive anymore
Mom, dad, Maygan, Connor
I just fuckin' left them
Fuck
You fuckin' knew didn’t you, mute?
I opened up to you, you heard all the warnings signs
But you’d rather be entertained
By me pourin' all of my brain out, I’m nothing now
See, I won’t ever write again
Songs or notes, lyrics, or books
No more jokes, I can’t provoke folks
I’ll never travel the globe
I’ll never know what it’s like to be a father
To have me a daughter or son
I’m in a slumber I won’t wake from
I don’t even know if anyone’s listening when I talk
Some poor fuck will find me
Cops will phone my fam, they’ll all be crying
You feeling guilty yet, listening?
You sorta did this to me
Now, there will be a funeral people attend and that’ll be the end
I’ll turn into an anecdote, somebody somebody use to know
He died, a rope, took his own life
A long time ago, damn
I see me fallin' slowly
I taste that bitter poison
I feel it coming to an end, still I hear
You don’t really miss home, these are open seems
Fall in love with those tears, leave it, let them bleed
Blurred in all of these lies, is it them or me?
Still I hear this
Nanananana na nananana na
Nanananana na nananana na
Nanananana na nananana na
Nana nana na
Richard: Will you sit down Emma, you’re makin' me nervous
Emma: Richard, shut up. I literally only brought you so you couldn’t tell mom I
left you home alone
Richard: I’m 16, I don’t need a fucking babysitter. And I came on my own free
will
Emma: Oh my god. Jared, are you finished yet? This house—this room freaking
gives me chills
Jared: Yeah, babe, just a few more pictures. This shit’s gonna look so fucking
dope on my blog
Emma: Okay, just hurry
Richard: You know… my friend from school says Daymeus’s family moved out
right away cause he started haunting this place. That’s why no one moved in
Emma: I swear to god, Richard
Richard: No, no, no, not like horror movie haunted. I mean, it was his family.
But like, they would constantly hear moving around in his room and music would
randomly turn on and off
Jared: Rich, that was probably the most basic ghost story I’ve ever heard in my
life
Richard: Really? That you’ve ever heard?
Jared: Yeah
Richard: That’s pretty bold
Jared: I know
Emma: I can’t believe it’s been 3 years. I remember seeing him around school
when I was a freshman and he was a senior
Jared: Guys, guys, this is a fucking rope
Richard: Oh shit
Emma: Where’d you find that?
Jared: That closet door just sorta fucking creeped open and it was just laying
on the ground
Richard: You don’t think that’s the rope that he…
Emma: Guys, this was a mistake. I think we should leave
Jared: Emma!
Richard: What’s happening to her?
Jared: I don’t know
Richard: Emma!
Emma: What?
Richard: Emma!
Jared: Richard, call your parents
Emma: Guys, you’re scaring me. Guys! Hello?
What’s happening?
I can see but… I can’t control myself
This doesn’t feel like… me
Where am I?
Am I dead?
This is so wrong, I know
I feel I’m in control
This darkness, deep inside of me
Actions they won’t condone
I feel so cheated
Don’t think I was meant to be here tonight
Internal bleeding but I don’t think I put up a fight
This is all I’ve wanted
This is all I’ve dreamt
Where has my time went?
Why am I saying these…
I see me fallin' slowly
I taste that bitter poison
I feel it coming to an end, still I hear
You don’t really miss home, these are open seems
Fall in love with those tears, leave it, let them bleed
Blurred in all of these lies, is it them or me?
Still I hear this
Nanananana na nananana na
Nanananana na nananana na
Nanananana na nananana na
Nana nana na
Nanananana na nananana na
Nanananana na nananana na
Nanananana na nananana na
Nana nana na
Nanananana na nananana na
Nanananana na nananana na
Nanananana na—(Shh)